Tea Duelling Biscuit Test

Friday, May 9, 2014

Report from the Max's workbench


To: Vice Admiral Sir Rogers Wainscote OBE
Chief Training and Exercise Office


Re: Analysis of Tea Duelling Biscuits,
and estimation of availability in remote areas of the Empire

Sir
As requested by their Lordships in furtherance of the training requirements of Her Majesty's Airship Crews to insure their ability to do just honour to Her Majesty when called upon to represent Her Majesty's vessels in competitions, or in matters of honour when satisfaction is requested by use of the Honourable Tea Duel (HTD).
And,
Having found the supply of suitable biscuits for use in the HTD in the remote areas of the Empire to be limited, if not unavailable entirely.
Therefore,
As requested in their Lordships written orders of January 6 last, I have undertaken a comparative analysis of the merits and behaviour of common biscuits likely to be found in most areas of the Empire.
A brief summary of the results is here included for your information.

I trust that this meets with your approval.
I remain as always your servant.
Lt Cdr(E) Maxwell MacDonald-Smythe

Test Procedure
My ship undergoing a refit at Her Majesty's London Airdockyard the testing program was carried out in the "Kitchen" amply supplied with a kettle, cooker and fresh water.

Each biscuit was tested multiple times as if a HTD was in progress. The behaviour of the biscuit held as per a successful dunk was observed. To mimic competition conditions the dunked biscuit was held a slight angle and the time at which cohesion was lost was observed.

Comparison was made to the standard Peek Freans "Nice" biscuit used in London, also known as a "Nickie"

Results
All tested biscuits were also produced by Peak Freans and I am reliably informed that it would only be in the very extremely remote areas that none of thes would be available.

The biscuits are ranked according to the behaviour after the Dunk from best to worst.

1) LifeStyle Bran Crunch
2) Digestive
3) An unknown biscuit found in PF assorted Tea collections. The biscuit has blueberry pieces in it so it is technically not allowed but it does behave close enough to the standard Nickie to be used if nothing else is available.

Shortbread and arrowroot like biscuits are totally unsuitable as they are dunk proof!

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