How to recognize a Steampunk

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Found this posted on the Book of Faces today.

How to Recognize a Steampunk

Steampunks don't always walk around wearing their full Steampunk finery, so how can you tell whether someone is a Steampunk or not? Here's a tongue-in-cheek (and yet 100% true!) guide to help you determine whether someone you know is a Steampunk.
They may be a Steampunk if....

  • ...their eyes light up whenever someone throws something metal away.
  • ...their everyday clothes are several decades out of date.
  • ...they adopt an English accent for no discernible reason.
  • ...they wear goggles but don't actually need them.
  • ...all of their plastic items have been spray-painted to look like brass.
  • ...they own more than one hat that isn't a baseball cap or a fedora.
  • ...many of their stories start with "I was in the workshop and..."
  • ...they eschew a wristwatch in favor of a pocket watch.
  • ...they use words like "eschew".
  • ...they own more broken than working clocks.
  • ...they own more books than movies.
  • .......most of which were written more than a hundred years ago.
  • ...they take pride in how old their belongings are.
  • ...they own more than one set of cufflinks.
  • ...they know what a cravat and/or bustle is.
  • ......and the difference between a gear and a cog.
  • ...their Nerf guns are all in various stages of being painted and/or taken apart.
  • ...their ears perk up whenever someone says the word "esteem".
  • ...they have a crush on Nikola Tesla.
  • ......and they get angry whenever someone mentions Thomas Edison.
  • ...their wardrobe consists entirely of shades of brown.
  • ......and yet will tell you that brown isn't the only color in Steampunk.
  • ...they use a smart phone, but it has a wood or leather case.
  • ...they visit their local thrift store more often than their local department store.
  • ...they've picked up something someone has thrown away and said, "Oh, I could make ___ out of this..."
  • ...they visit the hardware or sewing supply store more often than the grocery store.
  • ...they work odd historical facts into every conversation.
  • ...they used to drink coffee, but now exclusively drink tea instead.
  • ...even their underwear is historically accurate.
  • ......or only their underwear is historically accurate.
  • .........or their underwear is so concealing that it would qualify as outerwear.
  • ...when they refer to The Wild, Wild West without the word "bad", they mean the TV show from 1965, and not the 1999 movie.
  • ......and likewise when they refer to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, they mean the comic books and not the movie.
  • ...when they wear Steampunk clothes, they insist that it's an "outfit, not a costume".
  • ...they carry a cane, but don't need it.
  • ...they own a parasol, and don't refer to it as an umbrella, or worse as a "sunbrella".
  • ...they don't like anise, but cultivated a taste for absinthe.
  • ......or they drink vodka screwdrivers just for the name.
  • .........or they've learned to appreciate the taste of gin.
  • never occurred to them to wear their corset under their clothes.
  • ...they are convinced that they alone know the true definition of Steampunk.
If more than five of these apply, the person in question is probably a Steampunk. If more than ten of these apply, the person in question is definitely a Steampunk.
If more than twenty of these apply, the person in question doesn't need a list for other people to know they're Steampunk, because they ooze it out of every pore!

Keep your sightglass full, your firebox trimmed and your water iced.


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