A guide for gentlemen.
This guide is excerpted from:
This book has tons of interesting information on how a "Gentleman" should behave. Everything from dress and wedding etiquette to letter writing and how to behave at public "amusements". While much of this seems quaint in today's free and easy world, I think we would do well to remember that many of these rules were necessary in the crowded pedestrian cities of the 19th century.
The One Hundred Hints below have some insights into what it means to be a Gentlemen regardless of what one's station in society was. I have copied the whole section for ease of reference so my apologies for the length.
Enjoy
Keep your sightglass full, your firebox trimmed and your water iced.
KJ
ONE HUNDRED HINTS FOR GENTLEMANLY DEPORTMENT.
1. Always avoid any rude or boisterous action, especially
when in the presence of ladies. It is not necessary
to be stiff, indolent, or sullenly silent, neither is
perfect gravity always required, but if you jest let it be
with quiet, gentlemanly wit, never depending upon
clownish gestures for the effect of a story. Nothing
marks the gentleman so soon and so decidedly as quiet,
refined ease of manner.
2. Never allow a lady to get a chair for herself, ring
a bell, pick up a handkerchief or glove she may have
dropped, or, in short, perform any service for herself
which you can perform for her, when you are in the
room. By extending such courtesies to your mother,
sisters, or other members of your family, they become
habitual, and are thus more gracefully performed when
abroad.
3. Never perform any little service for another with a
formal bow or manner as if conferring a favor, but with
a quiet gentlemanly ease as if it were, not a ceremonious,
unaccustomed performance, but a matter of course, for
you to be courteous.
4. It is not necessary to tell
all that you know; that
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were mere folly; but what a man says must be what he
believes himself, else he violates the first rule for a gentleman’s
speech—Truth.
5. Avoid gambling as you would poison. Every bet
made, even in the most finished circles of society, is a
species of gambling, and this ruinous crime comes on by
slow degrees. Whilst a man is minding his business, he
is playing the best game, and he is sure to win. You
will be tempted to the vice by those whom the world
calls gentlemen, but you will find that loss makes you
angry, and an angry man is never a courteous one; gain
excites you to continue the pursuit of the vice; and, in
the end you will lose money, good name, health, good
conscience, light heart, and honesty; while you gain evil
associates, irregular hours and habits, a suspicious, fretful
temper, and a remorseful, tormenting conscience.
Some one
must lose in the game; and, if you win it, it
is at the risk of driving a fellow creature to despair.
6. Cultivate tact! In society it will be an invaluable
aid. Talent is something, but tact is everything. Talent
is serious, sober, grave, and respectable; tact is all that
and more too. It is not a sixth sense, but it is the life
of all the five. It is the
open eye, the
quick ear, the
judging taste, the
keen smell, and the
lively touch; it is
the interpreter of all riddles—the surmounter of all difficulties—the
remover of all obstacles. It is useful in all
places, and at all times; it is useful in solitude, for it
shows a man his way
into the world; it is useful in society,
for it shows him his way
through the world. Talent
is power—tact is skill; talent is weight—tact is momentum;
talent knows what to do—tact knows how to do it;
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talent makes a man respectable—tact will make him respected;
talent is wealth—tact is ready money. For all
the practical purposes of society tact carries against
talent ten to one.
7. Nature has left every man a capacity of being
agreeable, though all cannot
shine in company; but there
are many men sufficiently qualified for both, who, by a
very few faults, that a little attention would soon correct,
are not so much as tolerable. Watch, avoid such faults.
8. Habits of self-possession and self-control acquired
early in life, are the best foundation for the formation
of gentlemanly manners. If you unite with this the
constant intercourse with ladies and gentlemen of refinement
and education, you will add to the dignity of perfect
self command, the polished ease of polite society.
9. Avoid a conceited manner. It is exceedingly ill-bred
to assume a manner as if you were superior to those
around you, and it is, too, a proof, not of superiority
but of vulgarity. And to avoid this manner, avoid the
foundation of it, and cultivate humility. The praises
of others should be of use to you, in teaching, not what
you are, perhaps, but in pointing out what you ought to
be.
10. Avoid pride, too; it often miscalculates, and more
often misconceives. The proud man places himself at a
distance from other men; seen through that distance,
others, perhaps, appear little to him; but he forgets that
this very distance causes him also to appear little to
others.
11. A gentleman’s title suggests to him humility and
affability; to be easy of access, to pass by neglects and
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offences, especially from inferiors; neither to despise any
for their bad fortune or misery, nor to be afraid to own
those who are unjustly oppressed; not to domineer over
inferiors, nor to be either disrespectful or cringing to
superiors; not standing upon his family name, or wealth,
but making these secondary to his attainments in civility,
industry, gentleness, and discretion.
12. Chesterfield says, “All ceremonies are, in themselves,
very silly things; but yet a man of the world
should know them. They are the outworks of manners,
which would be too often broken in upon if it were not
for that defence which keeps the enemy at a proper distance.
It is for that reason I always treat fools and
coxcombs with great ceremony, true good breeding not
being a sufficient barrier against them.”
13. When you meet a lady at the foot of a flight of
stairs, do not wait for her to ascend, but bow, and go up
before her.
14. In meeting a lady at the head of a flight of stairs,
wait for her to precede you in the descent.
Title
